2003-05-06 at 3:27 p.m.
safe
horrible thoughts were running through my mind. the kind of thoughts that i thought only a mother could have about her child...
"what if he has had a wreck?"
"what if he can't get to his cell phone to call for help?"
then come the prayers...
"dear Lord, please let him be okay."
"oh dear God, please let him be safe."
then come the irrational prayers...
"oh dear sweet Lord above, please let him be alive. i will never ask you for another thing, if you will just keep him alive."
it was almost eight o'clock. which is over an hour past when he usually got home. my mind was racing faster than ever before. it was making my head ache. i was teetering between being livid and being petrified. neither of those two states of mind are anything i want people to see me in. i don't think i handle that kind of pressure well.
my body starts to react. first comes the pounding headache. next is the rumbling stomach. followed by the relentless nausea. i could feel the cold sweat starting to form on my forehead and on the back of my neck. it was almost as if i could even feel the color starting to drain from my face.
the phone rang.
"hello?" i said, trying to disguise my anxiousness. please let it be chris.
"leigh, this is peggy. is chris there?" said my mother-in-law. what was i suppose to say? that i was picturing him being taken off by an ambulance in my mind? no, just play it cool. everything is going to be alright.
"he's not home yet."
"well, what time does he usually get home?" she asked, her voice sounding a bit strained.
"'bout six-thirty or so. don't worry peggy. they are getting really close to the end of this shutdown so he probably had to work over tonight. i'm sure he'll call or show up soon," how was i able to say such placid things when the most horrible thoughts were running through my mind?
"well, if he was going to be late, he should have atleast called!" her voice wasn't strained any longer. she was a bit agitated at him. i somehow found this mildly amusing.
"when he gets home i will be sure to tell him to call you."
"thank you leigh. i will talk to you later." and with that I heard a 'click' and she was gone.
somehow having to spend the time comforting peggy about chris's whereabouts actually calmed my nerves. i decided to call tiffany. i knew that she would know if tripp went to work and whether or not he was home yet. if he wasn't home yet, then surely they were spending the night in demopolis.
"hello?" she said in her cute little southern twang.
"tiffany, this is leigh. did tripp go to work today?" I asked.
"um, no. he decided to take today off," and with that started a whole other conversation that is (believe me) much too long to go into here.
"maybe he is at andy's house," she said. at that instant I was sure I was going crazy for not thinking of that myself.
"yeah, i will call and see. talk to you later!" -- 'click'
would he have gone out to andy's house without calling me and letting me know and letting me sit here and worry for well over an hour? yes.
"hello." chris answered the phone. he didn't even say it in that questioning manner that most people answer the phone with. i think he knew it was me. they must have that caller-id thingy.
"having fun?" i asked, trying to not sound too sarcastic.
"what time is it?"
"eight o'clock." I replied, matter-of-factly.
"really?! i�ll be home in fifteen minutes. i love you. bye," and with that he was off the phone.
i was so upset. then i was so relieved. he�s alive. he�s just really inconsiderate. but atleast he�s safe.
*****
when he got home i was sitting on our front porch, swinging in the swing, sipping on one of the skyy blues that was left over from the night before.
�how�s my baby-wuv?� he asked.
�i�m fine.� fine? fine? my blood pressure was just returning to normal from my last thoughts of him laying dead in a ditch somewhere on highway 43 between demopolis and jackson.
�you weren�t worried were you?� and as he asked that, i was thinking, how stupid of a quesiton could that be? but wanting to keep my cool head, i replied,
�no, i wasn�t too worried. although next time you decide to not come home, please let me know.�
�i came home. i�m home now.�
�yeah. and i am very glad that you are home.� was i starting to sound like the psycho wife? that was the last thing i wanted to sound like.
with that he put his arm around the back of the swing and started playing with my hair. oh, how i love for him to play with my hair. it makes my mind calm and my body feel tingly all over.
the next forty-five minutes were spent with him telling me about his day and his visit with andy.
�we ought to go back to panama city beach sometime soon. after this job is over and before we start another one. but i guess we need to find another one first,� he said. i was psyched that he mentioned going back to pcb. but i didn�t want to seem to psyched. plus, last time we went (of course andy went with) and i really didn�t have that good of a time.
�okay. just let me know when i need to schedule a vacation day from work,� i replied, all the while trying to mentally tally up exactly how many vacation days i have left for the remainder of this year. in my mind, every friday should be an off day. i would love to work four days a week, ten hours a day. but that is a whole �nother entry.
�this time we will go to the clubs. to la vela,� and with that, visions of our last trip to pcb popped into my head. ahhhh.... even though chris was a meanie on our last trip, i have to admit, i did have fun.
�I need to start going back to the tanning bed then.�
he smiled. �and this time, i will spend more time with my beautiful wife.�
hot tears flooded my eyes. just hearing him say that made my knees go weak. not unlike the weakness i had experienced only an hour or so earlier when i was sure he was dead.
i laid my head on his chest. his arm pulled me closer to him. i could hear his heart beating harder and harder.
�it�s okay leigh. don�t cry. i am sorry that you worried about me tonight.�
�i�m sorry i called andy�s to check up on you. you�re a grown man and you can take care of yourself. but i love you, and i can�t help getting worried about you when you don�t call.�
�yeah, i know,� and with that he kissed me on my forehead. that was all it took. my world was whole again. and i felt like i was safe again. safe in his arms. safe from the world.
ahh....love.
what a wonderful thing.
***
xoxo
tell me i'm beautiful...
||
