03.01.2006 at 1:22 pm
oovv
this week has been a stressful one. have you been able to tell? and last night, well... let me tell you about last night...
when chris got home, i knew something was very wrong. he's been having trouble with the new job that he is currently working. yeah, and this should teach me to talk about how things are going to be "alright" before i give the sh*t a chance to hit the fan.
i can't go into the details.... because with details comes the whole liable-thing, and leigh ain't no body who wants to get sued. if you know what i mean.
long story short, though, he's being treated like a "nothing" and he's tired of it by a couple of guys who work there � chris thinks they want him to quit, so they are making the job very hard on him � physically and mentally. there was a job offered to him in mississippi (one where he would have to stay over there for two or three weeks at a time � or longer) and he turned it down. EVEN THOUGH he is miserable. last night as we were outside on the front porch enjoying the dewy cool night air, he finally let me know what was on his mind.
"i just can't help but wonder if i made the right decision by staying here," his eyes started to flood with tears as he dropped his head down so that i couldn't see the anger and hurt in his face. "i love ya'll so much. SO MUCH."
"i know you do," and then i heard myself cave-in... "maybe you ought to call back about the mississippi job. it's more money. you could take a helper you like with you. janie and i could come visit on the weekends you are working over there. we could make it work. we have before."
at that moment janie came to the front screen door and said, "tank ooo daddie!" and giggled her infectious chuckle as she ran back into the living room to talk to her kitty-kitty and mousey (her stuffed animals).
what had just made me smile had just caused chris to fall apart emotionally. he stood up and walked into the house holding his head in his hands. i didn't know what to do. did he want me to follow him? i gave him about 2 minutes and janie and i walked into the bedroom where he was. janie walked up to him and hugged his leg and looked up to his face. "oovv oooo daddie!"
he picked her up and hugged us both. i though this might be the last night we would be able to hold each other tight for a while, so i wanted to linger in this embrace for as long as janie would let us. which turned out to be about 8 seconds. chris gained his composure. he walked back outside.
"i will NOT let that m****r f****r take my baby away from me! i am not going to quit. that's exactly what he WANTS! i will NOT QUIT!"
i promise, there was much more profane language in that sentence than what i just quoted, but you get the jest of it.
after all was said and done, things were better. maybe he needed the outburst to feel better. maybe i needed the reality check to know that he could have to leave at anytime and go back out on the road. but we both need what janie gives us every day.
unconditional oovv.
xoxo
tell me i'm beautiful...
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