12.18.2007 at 9:14 pm
two choices
Christmas is so close that i almost feel as though i can touch it. every night, janie and i ride downtown to look at the huge Christmas tree and then through town to look at all the lights.
i love Christmas time. it is my absolute favorite time of year. :)
but right now... i don't feel very festive. i talked to chris tonight, and he's got a choice between two jobs.
one making mucho dinero, but working 7 days a week for 5 months. the other, making okay money and only 4 days a week.
and the job he is on now, the boss wants him to work saturday and sunday.
now... before i allowed myself to be overwhelmed by the notion that chris wouldn't be able to come home until sunday night (which would mean that he would miss his family's Christmas get-together) i stopped.
in the grand scheme of our lives, 2 days is not going to make that much of an impact.
yes, i miss him. yes, janie misses him. she asks about him constantly. and until 20 minutes ago, i have continued to be very positive and upbeat about it.
but the last time she asked me... instead of giving her my usual answer of "he will be home when he gets done, darlyn..." when she said "momma, i miss my daddy..." i instead said "i miss daddy too, janie...."
and as her name left my mouth, tears welled up in my eyes and i had to look away.
i know that he wants me to tell him what i want... but the problem is, what i want isn't even an option.
and it is ultimately his decision. not mine. i don't want to push him in the wrong direction with this decision and have anything to turn out poorly. poor chris hasn't had the best track record when making these types of decisions... we always seem to end up getting...well...screwed in the end.
and when i think about it... really think hard about it... i don't know what to tell him anyway. i want him to be happy. i want him to be home. i want him to know that he made the right decision.
and that decision can only be made by him.
xoxo
tell me i'm beautiful...
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