I am not an idiot. I know what you are doing and this systematic discrimination has to stop immediately. If it doesn't, then I may be forced to take legal action to repair the great injustice that is perpetuated each and every time I step into a restaurant...

You know what I'm talking about.

There seem to be only a few seating preferences that I'm qualified for. In police work, they call it profiling. I'm not sure what the Hostess' Union calls it, but whatever it is better stop.

My choices for the past few years seems to be limited to...
1) next to the kitchen (most popular) - I can only assume this is so I can cringe at every loud pot banging and plate breaking coming from the kitchen.
Those high pitched noises are murder to my aging ears.

2)Next to the waiter's stand. (2nd most popular) Where every waiter or waitress can bump up against me and
tilt their trays my way every time they walk by, making me think a tray of food is about to spill on my
lap.

3) Next to the loudest shrieking or crying baby on the planet. (See "ear" reference under #1)

4) In the aisle.. I assume so everyone else that either comes in or leaves after I get seated can bump my elbow and make me spill my food.

5)In a dark corner (usually associated with #1). This one is particularly effective when teamed with the Sorry Waitress Union so I get to sit in the dark netherworld and try to glean light from a small votive candle to read a menu only to discover the sorry
waitress can't see me sitting there until I've WAY finished my first glass of water and have tulips growing between my toes.

I want to know... Is my mug shot at EVERY hostess school in the nation? Do you receive daily faxes on my
whereabouts so you can plan your seating arrangements accordingly? Do you know what kind of car I drive? Do
you have my license plate number?

I assure you.. I WILL get to the bottom of this!!

before || my pins || after