01.11.2006 at 2:29 pm
unendingly
this past weekend a mother of a student who is a senior at the school where i teach passed away from cancer. the wake is tonight and the funeral is tomorrow. most of the senior class is planning on attending the funeral. i plan on going to the wake tonight. the girl has come to school all week so far. she seems to be taking all of this so well. but i am afraid that it is all a fa�ade.
i could not imagine losing my mother. i surely could not imagine not having her since high school. there are lots of people who think that a mother should stay at home with her children when they are young (before they go to school). but i think my mother did more for me since i got married and had a child of my own than she ever could have done when i was 3.
when i got engaged, she helped plan my whole wedding. she helped me pick out my dress. she helped me pick out the bridesmaid dresses. the flowers. the invitations. EVERYTHING. there were so many details that i would have not even thought about if it wasn't for her. and there are still things that i wouldn't think about if it wasn't for her. � like thank you cards.
when i was wheeled into the operating room for janie's birth, she was with me and chris throughout the operation. she took janie's first pictures in the operating room. without her being in there, we wouldn't have those pictures. (which i promise to scan in and upload eventually) and she stayed with me while chris took janie out for everyone to see her right after she was born while i was being stitched up. i got to see janie right as she was born, but since i was still laying on the operating table and i was on some really good drugs too, it all seemed like a haze. she let me know that janie was perfect and i could tell by the tears in her eyes that it was true.
there was a time right after janie was born that janie and i literally LIVED at my parents' house because chris was working away from home. i was too much of a pansy to live 12 whole miles away from my mom and take care of this little baby all by myself. (which, the c-section and the fact that i couldn't even get up out of bed by myself for about 2 weeks had something to do with it at the beginning...) but six months? and they never asked me to leave. not once. i decided that it was time for us to really GO HOME when a friend's husband started sarcastically joking around about it. "you couldn't stay at that house with janie and without chris for two nights. you just couldn't do it." that was the end of living with mom and dad. it was time. time for me to GROW UP AND BE A MOMMY. time for janie to recognize her own house as her own instead of thinking that nana and pop's house was hers and the portacrib she slept in every night was her real bed.
since janie and i have moved back to our own house, mom has been a constant strength in our lives. we go to see her at least every other day of the week. she is constantly buying janie clothes. heck, she is still constantly buying ME clothes. if i have a question about ANYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE, i call her. because she usually knows the answer. and if she doesn't, she knows someone who does.
she worries about us. constantly.
and she loves us. unendingly.
xoxo
tell me i'm beautiful...
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