12.21.2007 at 6:33 am

all i want for Christmas is you

my last real entry (not counting the one with the video clip) was about chris's present job and how things aren't working out quite like he expected and his future job opportunities.

since then, i have been having problems being able to stay at one emotion about the whole situation... usually, during the day, i'm happy. the "cry or laugh" philosophy works quite well for me when i am surrounded by people. 90% of the time i am acting as though there's nothing bothering me and i am able to almost forget about coming home and not having him here.

because i have the choice between crying about this, and laughing about this. because throwing a temper tantrum is not going to do any good. i've had those before.... all i got was a headache and the need to lay down and sleep the anger off.

but for some reason... when the sun starts to set, it hits me. and i can no longer keep that perky "it's okay! we are going to have a beautiful Chrismtas anyway!" attitude going.

and last night, chris called and said that his boss wants him to work monday.

that's Christmas eve.

between the two of us (well, our families, really) Christmas is a 3-day-affair.

and if he has to work monday, then he's going to miss 2 of the 3.

goodness, i hope he doesn't call me tonight and say that he has been told that he's working tuesday.

then... i just might cry.

we talked about the gifts that i need to get before sunday and monday because he was responsible for getting some of them for the guys in his family. now, i get to do this because he really won't have time. heck -- he might not even be here.

so today, i'm going shopping. we still have to buy gifts for his sister, his mother, his father, a brother-in-law, a cousin, my mom and my dad. i'm sure there's someone else that i have forgotten...oh yeah, and a niece.

i just cleaned out my trunk because i wanted to make sure that i wasn't carrying around random stuff that's just taking up precious gift-space. i pulled all kind of stuff out of my car. i'm not going to say it's clean (far from it) but it's... a lot more empty. and when i drop off janie's car seat at my parents' house, it's not going to even feel like my car.

the last thing that he said to me was...

"hell...i don't know. i might just decide to say **** it and come home tomorrow night..."

oh, how i hope he does.

here is the new webalbum that i added recently:

LittleFingersLittleToesLittleKnots

xoxo

♥ ∞ ♥

tell me i'm beautiful...

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