12.07.2007 at 11:37 am
lump in my throat
since monday, chris has been getting up before 3 am to get ready for work. and leaving by 4 am. and then driving 2 hours to work. and then working until 5 pm. which meant that he was getting home around 7.
2 hours on the road each way.
he told me last night that he had spent over $200 on gas in the past few days.
and yesterday, he was told that his shift was going to change from 10 hours a day to 12. there is no way that he could handle the extra time.
so...
today.
he's taking his travel trailer to mississippi so that he can work this shut down.
it's only a couple of weeks. so, it's not the end of the world.
but you know..... i thought i was going to be okay. until i got that lump in my throat when i saw him sitting on janie's bed, holding her while she was asleep, with tears running down his face.
at the beginning of this year, the same sort of situation happened. but i hope i handle it differently. last time i was mad. mad at the world for me having to be in that situation. but it didn't help my situation to be mad. it actually made it worse. i let myself almost get depressed over it.
almost.
you know.... tonight will be the first time janie and i will have spent the night in the new house without chris....
sometimes... i hate being so emotional.
i hate that i can just type the words that are in my mind and tears start to fill my eyes... and then stream down my face.... which causes my mascara to run and my nose to get stuffy....
and even though i say i hate it... i really wouldn't want it any other way.
xoxo
tell me i'm beautiful...
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