09.26.2007 at 9:36 pm
for granted
tonight, when i finally got home....after going to nana&pop's and then stopping by nancy's yet again to drop off a shirt that my mom mended for her, i found chris making his own lunch for tomorrow.
he said that he wanted to give me the night off from having to make him lunch.
then, i put janie in the tub. a bubble bath. because she LOVES bubble baths. and i walked back into the kitchen to unload/reload the dishwasher.
he dissappeared down the hall and came back before i was done with the dishes.
"janie is bathed... you just need to make sure she's rinsed off well..."
he never bathes janie. (unless i ask him to.) he never makes his own lunch to take to work.
last night janie and i were in the bed (and i was conked out) by 8:15. before climbing into bed, i sat on the back deck with chris and rambled off the things that i had gotten done earlier that day. normal, every day errands that mommies and wives have to do all the time. nothing out of the ordinary. but i was almost proud of myself for getting everything done AND cooking supper that didn't consist of a frozen pizza or a run to mcdonalds.
lately, life has been overwhelming. moving to a new house. having so many different things that need to be done to and with the house. getting back into the routine of working. just life in general was overwhelming. a typical day was so jammed packed full of things that needed to be done that i didn't feel like i was doing anything to the degree that it needed to be done. some stuff.... well, most stuff, actually, i was letting slack and it was starting to show.
last weekend, chris let me know that he didn't feel like i was as "in to" the house as he was. he comes in every day from work and starts working on some kind of house project. painting, flooring, fixing sheetrock, moving furniture, every day it's something. and me? i really don't.
the first couple of days after school started back, i painted the downstairs bathroom.
since then?
nothing.
i spent one day two weekends ago literally doing nothing. i didn't leave the house. i didn't do laundry. i didn't clean the kitchen. i sat on the couch in my pajamas and watched tv. chris was upstairs all day laying down the floor in janie's bedroom. and that night, it got to him. he had been in such a good mood, and then he finally let it all out.
and he was right.
i was in a slump.
and since i have decided to really start trying, and to quit making excuses on how that i can't do something because of whatever reason, things have gotten better.
work has gotten better.
LIFE has gotten better.
and tonight, i realized that i really am blessed. to have such a good man in my life.
i don't think i ever thought i wasn't blessed to have chris in my life. but sometimes, i let myself take him for granted. there were months, even years, of our marriage that he wasn't a constant because he wasn't home. he was constantly in my life, but not physically.
and i don't ever want to take him for granted.
because sometimes, you can be the meanest to the people who are the closest to you. even when you don't realize it.
xoxo
tell me i'm beautiful...
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